Profound

I hesitate here, because telling something deep and personal can be misinterpreted. But I know it's usually a good thing to tell stories about what God is doing.

I was preparing for our annual leadership retreat. I had sensed from the Holy Spirit weeks before to teach on servant leadership (after all we're called the 'servant leadership team') focusing specifically on the story in John 13 where Jesus washed his disciple's feet. So now it's the night before the retreat starts and I was sorting through the theology of the event. Jesus told his disciples that he was modeling for them how to treat one another, and apparently how he wanted his followers to lead. Peter objected to Jesus washing his feet, because of status. He didn't want to presume to let Jesus function as the servant when he should hold the higher position. Jesus pointed out that he must let his feet be washed or he could have no part of Jesus. This statement seems to indicate a reference to atonement. He is offering a cleansing without which no one can participate with Jesus.

I pondered this because Jesus can offer atonement but we cannot. How could this act be a model for us? Oh, we can offer Jesus' atonement, but is that what Jesus meant when he said that he wanted them to wash each other's feet??? Probably not.

So then Peter wanted to be washed head and hands as well. Jesus tells him that someone who has bathed needs only to have his feet washed. I liked that, because that meant they had already been cleaned (read 'saved') but their daily walking about dirtied up their feet. So, on a regular basis, we need to wash one another's feet. We are offering a fresh clean start with one another. As we grow familiar with each other, we let little offenses build up, and I think Jesus wants us to offer regular 'foot cleanings' to one another - fresh offerings of forgiveness and emotional healing. Even beyond that, we offer the ministry of Jesus to one another too - ministry, prayer, prophecy, pronouncements of mercy and forgiveness. That's how we wash each other's feet.

So I was really excited about the insight and was looking forward to sharing it with the team. I was sitting there organizing my notes when I felt a strong urge to pray. As soon as I did, I started having a profound experience with Jesus. It's like I envisioned him coming to me and he began to wash my feet. I began to sob and sob. My head was down in the crook of my arm and I just cried and cried. Everytime it would start to let up, he would show himself to me again and again. I looked like a blubbering fool. I'm talking tears, snot, the works. (Things like this always make an impact on me because I am not a cryer, so when I cry, it really gets my attention).

You see, I have been feeling the weight of slime on me. I struggle with lots of hard questions about how I'm living my life, I feel quite inadequate to do what I'm called to do, I have more than my share of sin which makes me feel so inadequate etc. etc. etc. So to have an experience where Jesus is washing my feet, I was overwhelmed with emotion. He made me feel so accepted and cleansed. By no means did I feel vindicated or that he was ok with my sinfulness, but instead that he was 'fixing me up' so I could minster to him and then I could minister for him. I will be forever changed. And I will never look at John 13 the same again.

What I hope you can get from this is the reality that Jesus wants to clean you up on a regular basis - to offer you forgiveness and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. Yes you've been saved, but you need to be ministered to over and over. And Jesus knows that. So you've been wallowing around in guilt and shame when you could have been letting Jesus clean you up. And then you can offer that same sort of 'fresh start' for other people you deal with, and especially people you lead. Offer them a good foot washing and get a fresh start on the relationship.