VACATION

The Wises were off to Washington DC for vacation this last week. We return revived patriots. We were somber at the Holocost Museum, elated at the Air and Space Museum, awed at the Hope diamond, cried at the WWII and Vietnam memorials, inspired and incensed at the debate on the Senate floor, and forever in debt to the restaurants who give you crummy food for big dollars. It wasn't the most relaxing vacation, but it did afford us some exercise as we tromped around. I left my phone charger plugged in behind the television in my room, and now I'm finding how hard it is to get a hotel to cooperate after you've paid your bill. Ahhhh, great memories.

Just Stuff

Well did I ever embarrass myself yesterday. Really it's funny, but I was sure surprised.

Evan graduates from high school this Friday (he tied for salutatorian - Yay Evan!!) and yesterday they held the baccaulaureatte (yeah, like you could spell it??). At his school, the graduates each ask someone to issue them a 2 minute charge, and I was honored by Evan to be the issuer. Before the ceremony, one of the dads said that he was afraid of getting emotional, and would need his wife to issue the charge if he couldn't continue. I said to Robin that I wasn't feeling emotional at all and that it was probably because I was accustomed to speaking in front of people. Well, it came time for me to go up there, and suddenly my throat closed up and I couldn't talk. I tried and tried to gain composure but couldn't shake it off. Finally, I pushed it down and started to talk, then I looked at Evan and I was choked up again. In the end, I had to start addressing the entire class before I could proceed.

Big tough no emotion man got humbled. Camille says I had better be just as emotional for her or it means I don't love her. Boy. I'm sure not looking forward to her graduation.

Acceleration

Went on a retreat last week. I didn't feel like going but I heard that voice in my soul saying I would be glad I did. He was right. I feel so refreshed, restored, back on track - all that good stuff.

In some recent journaling, I started to realize that God seems to be accelerating activity. He seems to do that, you know. Increases what he shows us and speaks to us and how he heals us, like waves, that come in and fall back. Well, I enjoy journaling, especially when I get to use a good fountain pen (a means of grace!) and also especially when I realize I'm doing something the ancients did - rehearsing and repeating back to God what he's done in the past. The Psalmist did it all the time. The apostles did it (see the prayer in Acts 4:24-28 for example). So when I journal back what God has been doing, I think it's a good thing. And then I get the benefits (there are always benefits. God works that way. He works for those who wait for him. And remember, behind every command is a promise. See? Benefits.) So the benefits in this case were recognizing that there seems to be an increase in what God's doing. It really very encouraging. You would do well to jump in the fray.

I was praying for someone on Sunday morning. The worship team was playing for ministry time. As I prayed, I noticed the singer saying the same thing I was praying. I changed the topic of my prayers 3-4 times. She changed topics with me. I thought, "Is she reading my lips?" "Does she start praying then I subconsciously follow?" (Did I tell you I'm a natural skeptic? It can hinder, for sure.) In the end it was really cool to know the Spirit was leading all that. Go back and read 'Profound' a couple of entries back to see something else he did.

He has spoken several personal things to me lately that are really encouraging too. One struck right at some of my personal doubts. Journaling about that gave/gives the Spirit opportunity to expand and expound on the topic. (Can you tell that I'd like to encourage you to exercise the spiritual discipline of journaling???)

Another thing he spoke to me hurt and encouraged at the same time. During worship at the retreat, I suddenly was reminded of a sin I commited 23 years ago. That's odd, I thought. It was kind of piercing in my heart. Made me cry a little, even though I had repented and all that, long ago. The Spirit said, then, "You have sacrificed much at the altar of _____ _____. Then I realized that over the years, I have continued to be dogged by the weakness that caused that long ago sin. I've still kept it around and haven't dealt a death blow to it. I'm very encouraged God is doing surgery now, and I'm lamenting what I may have missed, what opportunities have been thwarted, how often I've quenched the Spirit, for the sake of keeping this sin alive. I don't know if I ever want to know what all I've sacrificed at that altar.

Even so, I wanted to know if all was lost. The Spirit pushed me to read the story of David and Bathsheba. I had in mind the part where Nathan came and spoke the judgement - surely that's where I'll find more conviction, right? But that's not what God wanted to show me. Do you know the story? (2 Samuel 11-12) To sum it up, David did evil by marrying Bathsheba. It was sinful, wrong, and self-serving. But when it was all said and done, and God had disciplined David appropriately, David and Bathsheba had Solomon. Here's how it goes:

2 Samuel 12:24 Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba; he went and slept with her. She gave birth to a son and named him Solomon. The LORD loved him . . .

He comforted her after their firstborn baby died, part of God's judgement for taking Bathsheba and killing her husband. Then God redeemed the situation. He loved the by-product of the sinful relationship.

I sure do like God.

He encourages me that he will redeem all my stuff.

And he does. . .

Get UP!!

If you make yourself exercise, you will feel better. You really will. And you'll like yourself better. You'll have a little more self respect. It's not the answer to everything, but it does some good, you know.

Profound

I hesitate here, because telling something deep and personal can be misinterpreted. But I know it's usually a good thing to tell stories about what God is doing.

I was preparing for our annual leadership retreat. I had sensed from the Holy Spirit weeks before to teach on servant leadership (after all we're called the 'servant leadership team') focusing specifically on the story in John 13 where Jesus washed his disciple's feet. So now it's the night before the retreat starts and I was sorting through the theology of the event. Jesus told his disciples that he was modeling for them how to treat one another, and apparently how he wanted his followers to lead. Peter objected to Jesus washing his feet, because of status. He didn't want to presume to let Jesus function as the servant when he should hold the higher position. Jesus pointed out that he must let his feet be washed or he could have no part of Jesus. This statement seems to indicate a reference to atonement. He is offering a cleansing without which no one can participate with Jesus.

I pondered this because Jesus can offer atonement but we cannot. How could this act be a model for us? Oh, we can offer Jesus' atonement, but is that what Jesus meant when he said that he wanted them to wash each other's feet??? Probably not.

So then Peter wanted to be washed head and hands as well. Jesus tells him that someone who has bathed needs only to have his feet washed. I liked that, because that meant they had already been cleaned (read 'saved') but their daily walking about dirtied up their feet. So, on a regular basis, we need to wash one another's feet. We are offering a fresh clean start with one another. As we grow familiar with each other, we let little offenses build up, and I think Jesus wants us to offer regular 'foot cleanings' to one another - fresh offerings of forgiveness and emotional healing. Even beyond that, we offer the ministry of Jesus to one another too - ministry, prayer, prophecy, pronouncements of mercy and forgiveness. That's how we wash each other's feet.

So I was really excited about the insight and was looking forward to sharing it with the team. I was sitting there organizing my notes when I felt a strong urge to pray. As soon as I did, I started having a profound experience with Jesus. It's like I envisioned him coming to me and he began to wash my feet. I began to sob and sob. My head was down in the crook of my arm and I just cried and cried. Everytime it would start to let up, he would show himself to me again and again. I looked like a blubbering fool. I'm talking tears, snot, the works. (Things like this always make an impact on me because I am not a cryer, so when I cry, it really gets my attention).

You see, I have been feeling the weight of slime on me. I struggle with lots of hard questions about how I'm living my life, I feel quite inadequate to do what I'm called to do, I have more than my share of sin which makes me feel so inadequate etc. etc. etc. So to have an experience where Jesus is washing my feet, I was overwhelmed with emotion. He made me feel so accepted and cleansed. By no means did I feel vindicated or that he was ok with my sinfulness, but instead that he was 'fixing me up' so I could minster to him and then I could minister for him. I will be forever changed. And I will never look at John 13 the same again.

What I hope you can get from this is the reality that Jesus wants to clean you up on a regular basis - to offer you forgiveness and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. Yes you've been saved, but you need to be ministered to over and over. And Jesus knows that. So you've been wallowing around in guilt and shame when you could have been letting Jesus clean you up. And then you can offer that same sort of 'fresh start' for other people you deal with, and especially people you lead. Offer them a good foot washing and get a fresh start on the relationship.

In the Word

There's a new section on the Vineyard message board. Every week, we put a section of scripture to read, and then read it together and discuss it. Should be fun. I wrote this today while thinking about the verse that says, "But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name":

I'm thinking today about being given the right to become children of God. Honestly, I can get uncomfortable thinking about that. I feel like there's this responsibilty that goes with it, along with anticipation. It's like when you're a kid and your parents let you have more responsibility than you had before. Like when you get to take the car to the store by yourself for the first time. You're thrilled but you're so afraid you're going to mess up really badly. The right to become a child of God . . . I picture getting to come into a palace where God lives and I'm about to have a private meeting with him and he's going to tell me that I'm in his family now, and I'll be representing his name. From now on, my actions will be a reflection on his name. Now that's the uncomfortable part. It's like I look at him and think, "Well he knows everything, and he is the wisest of the wise, but HAS HE REALLY THOUGHT THIS THROUGH?!?" Then he smiles and tells me that he has thought it through and he knows me well, and he is going to help me. And that there is great priviledge and adventure in being a child of God.

Just some of my thoughts.

Chains

I've never seen a friend in chains before. Until tonight. And they wouldn't let me talk to him. But I guess he did what they said he did - and it was dark. Could've been worse, but it was dark.

When they came to church years ago, God gave me more prophetic words for them than he had anyone before. They were doing bad things. We fought hard to save their marriage. With God as active as he was, I was hopeful - but he didn't save it. So now I get to look back and wonder what else I should have done.

You know how you do. With hindsight 20-20 you kick yourself for not acting on the sense you had that all was not completely well. There was something there that should have been made to leave. And being a good westerner, sometimes I'm hesitant to deal directly with the dark side.

They needed deliverance.